Not Yuu But Still Me
by Terra.L
Summary: Kanda-centric. Kanda is actually a Flame Haze and finally has to leave the existence of Kanda Yuu as the last petal falls. Kanda returns to his Flame Haze allies' (Shana included) side in Misaki City. Allen, Lavi, Lenalee comes looking when they feel the gap among the exorcists. Set in Postwar in DGM but midwar in SNS. Slight AreKan.
1. Prologue

**A/N: ** **Welcome and please put up with the basic explanatory prologue. Firstly, as far as my story is concerned, Kanda is Kanda Yuu without his bratty months with Alma as seen in the manga. So he's still Kanda, the Kanda that is badass, vulgar, and beautiful. Yeah, I'm biased. Criticism for my first fanfic and crossover is more than welcome ^-^ Enjoy!**

**WARNING: SPOILERS! Kanda-centric. **

**Oh yeah, Disclaimer: I own neither Shakugan no Shana nor D. Gray man.**

**Names:**

**Yuu will be used to refer to the child who disappeared as a child **

**Kanda Yuu or 'Kanda' is the exorcist life he lived after **

**Kanda is the Flame Haze Gōka no Kaze whose name is still unchosen.**

**Prologue: The Original Yuu**

_This existence is non-existent. And so no one will recall my existence._

~~~ Age 9 ~~~

Gōka no Kaze was pondering his existence and lack of a normal life when he came upon the fateful mere Tomogara at a hidden laboratory on some kind of island attached to the mainland. The prey was an annoying one, hiding out whenever he appeared to kill it. The chase led to a desolate place filled with people dressed in weird looking coats who were frozen mid shout in the Fūzetsu.

'Their affairs are not of our concern' Mugen whispered, in the form of a small sword at his side to match his nine-year-old self. So Gōka no Kaze paid no heed to the strife and proceeded down the hallways after the Tomogara.

Thankfully, it got cornered in a room at the end of the maze and he proceeded to slice it into bite sizes. It was annoyingly one of those with a hidden core. The typical explosion followed before a barrage of silence filled the separated pocket of dimension with only the sound of metal against scabbard as Mugen was sheathed. At this point in time, fate already made its move.

Gōka no Kaze was about to exit the place when an outstretched hand caught his attention. "Who's he?" he asked Mugen. 'Just someone who happens to look like you', Mugen answered dismissively. But even the Crimson Lord's voice was hinting curiosity.

Upon closer inspection, he noticed were the similarities. Black hair though his was straight, tinted dark blue in Flame Haze form, and waist length while Yuu's curled at the end where it was shorn off at shoulder level. Sharp eyes though his irises were blue tinted while Yuu's tear-filled ones was black. Close but not alike.

Yuu muttered something inaudible and Gōka no Kaze froze at the rarity of this Torch. A Mystes. The child of the same age and race was carrying a Hougu.

'This particular Hougu was somehow short-circuited. He's dying already' Mugen supplicated to his newbie partner.

"Should we use him to locate the Crimson Denizen?"

'Yeah, go ahead.'

Yuu looked up when he heard unfamiliar voices conversing about nonsensical things but only one thing clicked. He was really dying. But he found that he didn't give a damn. One past was enough, though he felt sorry about leaving Alma by himself. "Go ahead and do what?"

"Take over your existence. You're dying anyway" Gōka no Kaze.

Instead of asking various questions about what the hell was happening, Yuu found that he didn't give a damn about anything after people he trusted tried to kill him. So he said "Feel free, but if you're going to be me, help Alma before you do anything else."

However, when Gōka no Kaze coaxed that spark of torch into a flame to burn his nonexistence into, he didn't know that he would in turn receive friends, comrades, a different kind of war, and the existence of Kanda Yuu. An existence strong enough to rival that of Flame Haze Gōka no Kaze. Flame's Winds. Flame of Heaven's, Alastor's, knight.

Instead of fitting the existence to suit his current state, he somehow melded it into his container of a body. His contract with Crimson Lord Mugen was altered to fit the exorcist role instead of forcing Yuu's non-Innocence- compatible body to fuse with an Innocence.

Gōka no Kaze didn't regret the moment he, as a child Flame Haze, took the spark of the original Mystes, Yuu. And proceeded to 'help' Alma as requested by Yuu and killed the rampaging child.

~~~ Age 19 ~~~

Gōka no Kaze - Kanda Yuu - was tired. Not because his last mission ended just a minute ago. Neither was his fatigue due to having to deal with a body that's set to break down. With one petal left and wilting fast, Kanda Yuu's current living existence was at its end.

Even if given the choice to extend the Hougu's – Lotus Hourglass – life span by feeding it Power of Existence, Kanda didn't want to. Not when this reality was his only semblance of virtually one life's worth of existence. Extending it would mean interference from outside this existence which he was enjoying immensely. And anyway, this existence belonged more to Yuu than to Kanda. This existence he was allowed to live from childhood till death. From the age of 9 till present time.

Present time was when Allen Walker managed to overcome the 14th, the Millennium Earl was well and very, VERY dead, the surviving Noah changed sides thanks to a certain rabbit and Moyashi, and everyone was waiting for the happy ending. Except Kanda Yuu whose Hougu was out of fuel. And since his current existence has a weak physical constitution without the Hougu, once the petals all fell, Kanda Yuu was set for death.

An extension of this life would remind him of his current stolen identity when his need for the last petal to live longer disappeared. It would ruin Yuu's reason to treat everyone as he did. And his life as Kanda Yuu would be distorted by the plane of existence. He didn't want that, damn the world. His only complete life would not be complete when altered with Power of Existence. So when he was to die as Kanda Yuu, he didn't regret it. He would do it over from scratch without changing a thing.

Hence, Yuu disappeared and 'Kanda' took his place. And when it's 'Kanda"s turn to die, he'll be him again. Nameless Gōka no Kaze, nonexistent in terms of reality.

_Shinban_. After investigation, she smiled excitedly and said "Kishi's on his way back".

~~~End~~~

Any questions, just leave a review. Hope you liked it!


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Is Someone Gone?**

_**6.59am - 30 seconds from the end**_  
>"BaKanda! You're really an idiot who can't even remember a name" Allen replied.<p>

"Che"_. Your turn to be an idiot when you forget mine in 25 seconds_. Both Kanda and BaKanda. Regardless, he liked that nickname, "idiot" or not. Kanda was enjoying his last bit of existence before he had to go. His death would be one thing his friends wouldn't have to experience. Didn't deserve to experience. And henceforth, he had no right to stay till the absolute end after this existence's life gives out and the Flame Haze's takes over.

Before he went willingly however, a moment of reminiscing wouldn't hurt. The past few days, Kanda smiled internally with every whack of Lenalee's clipboard, every "Yuu" a certain rabbit exclaimed, and every fight - verbal and nonverbal - with a Moyashi.

Hearing "Yuu" came with the usual tint of pain. The name of the existence he took. Yuu would have died on the table either way since the Lotus Hourglass Hougu could not heal the child fast enough. The scientists who killed Yuu knew what they were doing. But what they did to the child was not enough to kill the Flame Haze who took Yuu's place.

This very moment which the child Yuu would be unable to really experience. As Komui and the scientists sat in one corner and conferred about the cleanup for the last of the stray Akuma, 'Kanda' found himself impressed by the usual slacker with a sister complex who was acting every bit of the leader he's supposed to be.

Meanwhile, Miranda and Arystar were keeping Timothy busy by dragging him around to sample all the desserts strewn on the buffet table, courtesy of Jerry who had relocated to the middle of the cafeteria with barbeque equipment for the night.

Bookman setting aside his recording of history and spoiling Lavi a little for the night as the old panda shoved the Usagi lightly toward the seat where Lenalee was amusedly watching Kanda get his ears talked out by Allen.

Leaning with his back against the wall clad in a typical meditation outfit, Kanda let Marie stay by his side quietly without complaint for once, even putting up with General Tiedoll's affections who had thankfully turned to bombard Marie at the party's halftime.

This was how he wanted to go, as 'Kanda' surrounded by 'Kanda"s secretly treasured persons. When the clock was 5 seconds from 7am, he allowed a single piece of the Flame Haze to show.A little bit of 'Kanda' but mostly just him.

_**5**_

A selfish gesture for the end of this treasured though inauthentic existence. A simple emotion, honest to heart, soul, and existence. His lips spread and he felt his cheeks raise in an unfamiliar expression. He let it reach his eyes as he his features softened instinctively. A present to everyone and himself as well, quite unlikely for Kanda Yuu but possible for him.

_**4**_

The sight brought everyone in the cafeteria to a standstill in 3 seconds and at the very last…

_**1**_

The friends and comrades of Kanda Yuu smiled back with pure joy, Allen's arm reaching out to grab his friend's shoulder and possibly make a remark to start another argument. Not this time though. There was, after all, no more time left for 'Kanda'.

_**0 **__7.00am_

_Fūzetsu_

Only now could 'Kanda' die, as he took in his last image of his friends and comrades gathered in celebration after retrieving the last remaining Innocence. Hourglass' last petal halted midfall, the body of this person's existence about to collapse but still standing. He clung to the look on everyone's faces despite the physical pain. The image he painstakingly memorized and embedded into his skull was held a moment longer in the pocket of dimension as he released the flickering flame of Kanda Yuu and left the pained but beloved and fading existence, the warmth in his heart left with them - strangers in the past, present and perhaps eternity. 

The second the clock hit 7am, the newly installed clock chimed and everyone found themselves smiling in the direction of an empty place by the wall. Allen's arm reached for someone between him and Marie, landing on a space large enough for someone to stand comfortably, the bit of warmth left on the surface disintegrating. "Ka-" The name on the tip of his tongue vanished and everyone stared confused at the place where Allen's palm rested. A silence overwhelmed the room and all that was left in the Black Order was the single petal of the Hougu, marking the death of another contractor – Kanda Yuu.

"Was someone here?" – Allen

_7.01am _– Kanda Yuu's gone and Gōka no Kaze departs for Misaki City.

**A/N: Confusing? Hope not. As usual, any enquiries, feel free to ask =) Writing as if there are three different people who are Kanda(Flame Haze) is confusing for me too.**

**AreKan comes in quite a few chapters from now so patience please and thank you.**

**Terra, signing off.**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Your Name **

**The Black Order – A month after the end**

"What would you like today, Allen?" Jerry leaned eagerly over the counter with his usual miraculous cooking tools occupying both hands. Allen noticed the last part with relief.

These past few weeks the man seems to have taken a liking to pampering the white-haired exorcist. Not with food, no, but with physical gestures such as ruffling his hair and occasionally pulling at the lack of baby fats on his cheeks whenever Jerry's hands were not in the middle of preparing food. It came with the cooing of encouragement to order more food.

Thanking whatever Gods there were about not having to be treated like a child, Allen started listing his virtually unending list of food. "Sweet curry, agedashi dofu, beef stew, carpaccio, nashigoren, chicken, takoyaki, a tomyank and rice. Oh and mitarashi dango. Ten of them!" Okay well, not so unending.

There was really something wrong with his order. Anyone who did not know Allen would have thought that a monstrous amount of food. But anyone who knew Allen would have thought that was too little for his parasitic innocence.

Jerry was in the latter group of people who was shocked the first time he heard "10" mitarashi dango instead of "20". If there was any way to get more food into his customer's stomach, he'd cook any dish Allen hinted for. Otherwise the teen was well on his way to looking the part of a gauntly old man, especially with _that _hair.

So when Allen asked about more food, the chef perked up. "What are you making now?" Allen was glancing at the pot at the side of the kitchen interior curiously.

"Why that's soba, dear. Would you like some of that as well?"

"Yes please" If Allen said no, Jerry would probably still force feed him. Before he finished his short sentence, Jerry was already heaping a large portion onto a tray.

"But isn't that portion for someone?" Allen worried. If the intended recipient really liked soba as much as he loved mitarashi dango, it'd be best not to incur the wrath of K-

_Who was it that liked soba? _Before Allen could ponder this question further, Jerry interrupted his train of thought with a self-confused "no one actually, I just felt like making it". Jerry really really REALLY wasn't one to waste food though. If anyone even dared, they better watch out for food poisoning at their next meal.

"Al-le-eenn!" Lavi cut in, leaping at the gentleman. Who not so chivalrously stepped to the side and let his friend, ex-junior bookman and currently a free exorcist after the old panda _forcefully_ removed him from his post, crash into the floor with a solid crash.

His long fringe covered the dislodged eye patch which was immediately righted before jumping to his feet, dusting off his exorcist uniform and scarf. "That's mean, Allen!" purposely sounding like a petulant child before adopting a more suitable expression for his age.

"My mission was a success!" This time when Lavi leapt to sling his arm over Allen's shoulder, he didn't get dodged. "Without the Earl, all of them really have no sense of direction. Really, it's like the missions are almost too easy recently." His grin widened and the arm tightened around Allen's shoulder.

"It's just a matter of time before they're all gone. Then…"

_Then who knows what we'll do._ This went unspoken between the two and all the eavesdroppers behind in the queue. Which weren't many after the majority of the finders left their position to live their lives. Lives without war, and death, and the incessant instinctive need to flee whenever danger was impending.

With a façade of impromptu cheerful attitude, Lavi broke the pregnant silence. "Komui wants you and Lenalee to meet up in his office in an hour. For the possibility of I_nnocence_" he winked at last bit.

Allen took a moment to process that "Wha- what the-" he stammered, confused, suspiciousness vibrant in the edge of his voice.

There weren't any more. Or there wasn't supposed to be. That was confirmed last month and everyone saw for themselves that Hevlaska's collection was completed. They split the total Innocence slots among the four of them to confirm - Him, Lavi, Lenalee, and K-

Huh? Who was it that checked the last quadrant with them again? K-

"The slots are all taken already. We checked that remember? Four of us" Allen countered, tilting his head to the side in question.

"_Three_. Three of us, actually." Lavi answers like a Bookman no matter what. That factual tone that says there can be no other truth. Retired bookman or not, Lavi is the epitome of veracious. Not always but close enough.

The unease in Allen that has been pricking his consciousness for the past month abruptly grew in degree and become more like a branding iron that seared him inside out.

Countless times, times when a fourth imaginary person had a place to fill in Allen's memories. There was no evidence and no one else recalled anything as such and Allen might as well have been growing crazy but he acted on it anyway.

It was with this feeling that had him scouring the halls with his horrible sense of direction. Even after all this time, some things never changed. Even his gut instincts and odd determination for the craziest causes.

Just before his one hour was up, Allen stopped in front of a door a few rooms down from his.

A feeling of déjà vu flooded his mind momentarily. With a gloved trembling hand, Allen pulled the cold rusted handle and pulled open the door. As the joints in the hinges creaked ominously, he stepped in.

The result was disappointing. Just like every other spare room, only the bare necessities of the bed and a closet could be seen. Stale air showed that the room was unoccupied for the longest time. Years. Just another spare empty room. The only difference was the window made of stained glass, cracked right in the center.

The white-haired teen sighed in disappointment, shoulders falling just a little lower. He braced a hand against the doorway, lingering for a second before giving up.

Turning to leave and check the next room, Allen halted midstride as a scent of a flower wafted through the room from behind him, pulled along by wind from the left corner of the room. It was nostalgic and sweet. And it made the back of his neck heat up with an emotion he could not discern.

For the most part though, the scent just filled him with bleak emptiness. But now that Allen thought about it, the emptiness was always there.

Before he noticed, he had turned back and strode forward into the corner, looking down instinctively. Where a tiny circular table should have been. With an ornate hourglass on it. With a flower in it. With a dying but glowing lotus. Where the scent of it and cold metal should have hung.

_Where Kanda should have been._

Allen fell to his knees, not minding the dust on the cement now coating his clothes and gloves as the memories rushed through his head. Of a scowling man who turned to smile at him for a rare moment, as reality crumbled down, and disappeared in the very next.

"Ready?" Mugen's long unheard voice was welcome as he walked down the hallway to the address provided. Kishi fingered the comforting hilt of the sword.

An affirmative nod. He almost said "Che" as was Kanda's customary manner but he wasn't the exorcist anymore. He just had to keep reminding himself of that.

Gōka no Kaze shoved his worn down cloak aside and raised his hand to knock. Before his pale knuckles could rap on the painted wood, the door swung inwards and he faced his little master. Well, immortal but stuck as a twelve-year-old master.

Instead of the stern manner which he had grown rather accustomed to previously, she was all grins and hugs which was exactly what he'd got as he was pulled through the doorway. The door shut quietly behind him and was automatically locked.

"Kishi! Welcome back", her arms reaching around his waist and beneath his cloak tightened a little before she frowned.

"I didn't expect you to grow this much though. You're too tall, Kishi"

"Blame the unrestricted spell" Kishi replied as she released him. Mugen chipped in, "It's nice to see you, Alastor and Flame-Haired Burning-Eyed Hunter."

"Shana will do" she nodded firmly. Kishi took his opportunity to study his little master – correction mistress.

Except him, all the Flame Hazes did not physically age hence her resemblance between now and ten years ago was still striking as ever. Her long hair was the exact same length as when they last met. Kishi briefly wondered about why she was dressed in a school uniform but put the thought aside.

_She's shorter than the Moyashi. _He noted mentally. And shook his head just as the thought passed, pushing the memory of a stranger to the back of his mind. Into an hourglass shaped container, waiting for the sharp memories to fall into darkness. Maybe one day he'd let himself look at everything again. Just not now.

With a start out of the recesses of his mind, Kishi realized Shana was studying him as he had done. Catching her gaze, they held it for a second before both parties smiled.

"Did you have a good time?" his little mistress asked encouragingly.

"Yes, I did. But now playtime's over and I'd like to aid you in the upcoming fight against the Snake of the Festival"

Properly, Kishi bowed his head low and formally greeted "I'm back, Flame-Haired Burning-Eyed Hunter, Shana."

**A/N:** I don't remember where Allen's room and Kanda's room are so I just put them in the same hallway.

If anyone has preferred ideas on how the story should progress, please state them. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: (Am I to disclaim for every chapter?) **

**Disclaimer: Again, I do not own Shakugan no Shana nor -Man. If I did, Shana would have a complicated past in the former and Kanda would have more screen time in the latter.**

**Chapter 3: Remembering You**

**The Black Order**

"Komui!" Allen hollered, to no avail as was the norm. Even after he banged open the door 5 minutes late for the mission briefing, the man was still asleep on his desk strewn with documents. Though the man's workload had considerably lessened after the end, he was still no closer to completing his assignments even with his beloved sister's goading.

Upset and eager as he was to interrogate the chief, Allen took the time to mutter a small apology to the tired Komui before shouting in his ear "Lenalee is missing!" _And so is Kanda._

The result was immediate. Komui stood up so fast he banged his knee against the underside of his desk and sent some papers flying in all directions. "Leenaa-"

"I didn't mean that", Allen cut in. "Though she is late."

Just as he said so, aforementioned missing girl entered the room with a coffee for her formerly sleeping brother with a complex. "Sorry, there was a still mishap in the kitchen" she grinned, placing the steaming mug onto a cleared area of the desk.

While a small part of Allen fretted about his favorite chef, the majority of his brain was still occupied on his missing friend.

"Komui! I want to ask something!" Cutting Komui off before he had the time to start his briefing, his two audience members looked flabbergasted at Allen's lack of chivalry. It was enough to temporarily stun the two into silence long enough to exclaim.

"Do you remember, Kanda? Kanda Yuu, though he'd try to kill me for saying his first name. You know, the foul-mouthed, bad-tempered samurai-wannabe BaKanda? He was with us up until the celebration one month ago after we killed the Earl and remaining Noah who refused to defect but then he smiled which was so unlike him and then the clock struck seven in the morning then he went poof and now I can't find his stuff in his room and I don't understand why no one realized it yet but then again I just remembered as well-" Allen panted, trying to catch his breath as his mind kept throwing him details.

_Crack._

"Allen, slow down." The Chinese girl tried to calm the virtually hyperventilating teen, placing her hands on his shoulders and leading him to the sofa, seating him down. "What were you saying, something about some bad-tempered idiot?"

"His name is Kanda. He disappeared, no one seems no remember him but me. Or do you remember Kanda, Lenalee?" The dismay was already etched all over Allen's face as he asked. Her response already gave her away. "He's not really an idiot though he's not smart either but I used to call him BaKanda 'cause it went so well with his name."

"I don't remember any person named Kanda Yuu, Allen" she said carefully, trying not to further agitate her friend. _Crack._ And even as she said the name "Kanda Yuu", a sense of familiarity sparked within.

"There's no such person in our records." Komui passed the list of names of exorcists. "Do you need to see the head nurse, Allen?" The reply he received made Allen groan aloud in exasperation. But he had kind of expected it, considering he just remembered upon entering Kanda's room.

The idea struck him.

"Lena, can you get Lavi and come to my room? I need you two to see something." There was no guarantee this would work but it was his best shot. That was how the three exorcists found themselves outside Kanda's room, Lavi's face wearing a rare look of utter confusion, as Allen pushed open the cold door for the second time that day and led them to the source of a breeze carrying the scent of lotus flowers.

_Crack, crack._

Catching sight of the glowing petal, the world fractured as the plane of existence tuned and righted itself. Elsewhere, the Hōugu's tinted glass surface cleared.

**Misaki City**

"Is something funny, Mugen?" Kishi asked as a chuckle echoed through the quiet room. He seated himself cross-legged on the bed and fiddled with his Hōugu – Scabbard - with the same function as Shana's Yogasa, apart from lacking the ability to deflect attacks.

Dressed in normal clothes comprising of a dark blue tightfitting T-shirt and black track pants, he looked the part of a normal civilian. As was expected for him. His instructions comprised nothing more of waiting, at the moment. He therefore had to blend in and look the part, not dressed to kill. Literally. No pun intended. The only oddity was his long black hair flowing down his back, untied.

"Nothing. How goes the Hourglass?" his Crimson Lord hinted.

"All the petals are still attached, if that's what you're asking" Kishi replied, missing the hint. But then again, Mugen has not explained the full function of the lotus in the Hōugu. He chuckled again at Kanda - Kishi's denseness. He didn't pick Kishi for his intellectual ability, that's for sure.

"Do you miss them?" The abrupt change of topic made Kishi raise an eyebrow though the sensitive topic nearly made him fall off the bed. An urge to meditate was firmly squelched as Kishi forced himself to answer.

"As much as they miss me". Kishi left it at that.

It was a strange emotion to have to describe, after all. It's a sense of loss without knowing what exactly was left behind. Kishi shook his head to clear the chaotic thoughts and scanned the room for something to occupy himself with.

The place that he rented for a month was located near Shana's. With pale grey wallpaper and furniture comprising of white polyester paint and white glass, he was reminded once again of Mo-

He smacked his head against the wall with enough force to knock a normal human out, well into next week and perhaps a coma. However, it only gave him a slight ache that felt miniscule compared to the throbbing in his chest.

"Damn it all to hell" – Kanda/Kishi.

**A/N:** Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry for the slow update. Thanks for reading! Please forgive the slow progression.**

**PROFFESORffilc and PCheshire thanks for following this story =)**

**Chapter 4: Maps**

**Misaki City – another week later**

"Kishi!" Shana called out, disrupting her comrade from his adrenaline-clogged state as he sliced another body into bits, even as its existence faded into oblivion. Nothing like Akuma and their explosions unless they were rigged to, like with Friagne and his dolls.

The thought of being an exorcist again startled him. He stumbled mid-swing and would have toppled into the debris strewn across the river edge had he not righted himself at the last moment.

The shadow of the bridge above them sheltered the area from midafternoon sun, or would have had had they not been in another Fūzetsu. The red tint covering the battlefield was oddly cozy. From the single color, two bright others stood out.

First was Shana's flaming red hair which fit her name of "Flame-haired" to a T. Second was the contrary blue of Gōka no Kaze's hair, unlike his usual black. In the midst of the chaos sometime between slitting, hacking, and slaughtering the numerous Rinne, his hair tie had loosened against the smooth locks and slipped off, liberating the tightly bound strands as well as the faint glow of the Hōugu encapsulating his cloak-clad figure.

The figure that now caught himself and readied to resume his task only to find that there wasn't a single enemy left on the riverside. Only the destruction of cement and the black ribbon of Lenalee's a dozen meters ahead. With a quick snap of his calf, Kishi leapt the distance with ease and bent over to pick up the satin piece.

Walking over to him, she tugged lightly on his Scabbard. Her worries regarding his lack of concentration went unspoken but hung in the air. Ever since Kishi returned, his disposition has been getting quieter. It reminded Shana of a Torch as the person slowly disappears from everyone's minds. Any chance of success of attempting to alleviate her friend's state had gone out the window, especially when his responses were never changing.

"Let's go back", his small leader stated, swiveling on her heel without a glance to see if he followed.

He did. But the only thing he thought was that there wasn't a place to go_ back_ to anymore. Mugen awaited his reply silently.

The crimson lord would be waiting for a long time.

**The Black Order **

The whole place was in an uproar after the incident. The second Allen ran into the scientists section to confirm his suspicions and hollered (would you believe it?) for Komui to search the exorcists' records again, a name that had disappeared was there again.

The prior lack of memory left everyone confused and all they could deduce was that Kanda either lost all the petals on his mysterious lotus and died, or … left. Just up and gone without a single word to his comrades.

After investigation done by the dear , when all the petals fall, the body would still exist, though the host would be lying there in a comatose state and pretty much dead. But there was no body, just a remnant of a lotus petal which had not wilted. Inference, the lotus was not likely to have completely wilted.

Once that supposed fact had sunk in and the confusion was discarded dismissively, Lenalee started her raving rampage of doom. A second later Allen joined her and the cause for "Dragging back BaKanda by his girly hair, hogtied and gagged if necessary". Lavi watched the latter throw tantrums, albeit destructive ones, with a grin. The improvement of Allen's mood as compared to before was too blatant not to.

After a fortnight of the chaos they caused, Komui eventually gave in and sent the trio to carry out their desired search. More like a manhunt actually. Which was how they found themselves in Tokyo.

**Tokyo**

"_Sorry but have you seen a man with a long ponytail and a sword strapped at his side?"_ Allen asked in Japanese for the umpteenth time. The couple shook their heads and left to continue their date which he might or might not have rudely interrupted. Still, two weeks here and nothing turned up. Zero. Nada, Zilch. The teen sighed in frustration at the reply and headed back to the hotel since it was getting late and he needed dinner.

Rapping on their room door, Lavi and Lenalee opened it from inside, after putting down their research newspapers, only to have his friend stomp in with a huff. "Bakanda, where the hell did you go?!" he shouted into the sofa cushion, itching for a fight. Sad as he was to admit it, Allen missed conversing with Kanda. Or more appropriately phrased, trading insults.

Lenalee and Lavi looked at each other for ideas before trying to turn the gentlemen back to what he should have acted like. A gentlemen, that is. Sadly, where Kanda was concerned, chivalrousness flew out the window and in came the bad words which suited the missing raven more than the depressed Moyashi.

"Luckily, the language isn't that difficult, huh Moyashi?" Lavi accented the last word just to get the beansprout lookalike teen to be more positive. Though certainly a slightly taller beansprout. One inch in a month. If they didn't find Kanda soon, the name Moyashi coming out of Kanda's mouth wouldn't fit anymore. The thought was slightly wistful and extremely determined.

"Yeah but their polite talk is difficult. No wonder BaKanda refused to be called by his first name. But still, not a single one of them has been as vulgar as the idiot." Allen lounged on the sofa, flicking through radio channels to check out the news. A grin stretched his lips as he thought of their exchanges that resembled conversational fistfights.

"Despite his horrible disposition, there has been no announcements of criminals resembling him", he sighed at the lack of results. "Asking around doesn't help much either. Japan's bigger than I expected" Lenalee sat poised on a chair, fingers raised to her chin thoughtfully.

Lavi sat on one of the single beds, poring over the large map of Japan stretched to the floor and beyond, acquired from his extensive library before they left. "Well, apart from the man at the train station who claimed he'd seen a longhaired girl with a sword strapped to her side board the train here, we have no other leads. Should we try the rural areas instead though? Yuu doesn't seem like he'd live in the city." As usual, the redhead came up with the best ideas.

"Then where should we head to?" Lenalee enquired, getting up to return to her room. Her typical brother had ensured separate residency from the two teens. It was getting late and if she didn't return in time for his nightly calls, all three of them would have to spend the rest of their night spammed with calls until an adequate excuse was thought up and successfully persuaded the man.

The trio spent a precious minute thinking up a possible place where the samurai would have headed. The DJ on the radio caught Allen's attention at the word "Mana". "Let's go there then! Mana River!"

"According to this, it's at the outskirts of Tokyo" Lavi supplied. "In Misaki City".

"We'll head of tomorrow then. I've had enough of scouring this place for two weeks" Allen cheered. His gut feeling went with it.

Elsewhere, Kishi, upon listening to the same radio station state "Mana River", felt a sudden unexplainable urge to run.

**A/N:** Hope you liked it ^-^ Btw, what do you think of Allen being taller than Kanda? I like their childish acts together but have to consider if it'd be as cute as before.


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: Another update. Once again, thanks for reading! After this comes the fun part, cause I can't be bothered with making the trio search relentlessly for Kishi. This chapter was henceforth easier to write. Forgive the typos please.**

**Ashleigh . jom1, thanks for following this story =)**

**Chapter 5: Finding You**

**Misaki City **

"This is it, huh?" Allen exclaimed in a rare authentic smile. His arms stretched above him as the lights reflecting off the river landed in the shadows under the bridge. Lenalee and Lavi took in the scenery with an easy grin exchanged. They arrived at their destination an hour earlier while the sun was at its zenith. A short walk led the trio to their intended destination – the middle of Misaki suspension bridge.

Cars passed behind them, the sounds of afternoon traffic diminished when compared to the morning crowd. Allen sat perched precariously on the edge of the ledge, feet dangling off to face the light depths. The water was unexpectedly calm for a river. Underneath, a pavement bordered the river for the general public to walk.

Well, he was a member of the general public, so why not? Leaping off with a light boost, pushing his hands against the painted barrier, he landed fluidly onto the pavement on his far right. The grace he acquired recently was still not much, but it was something he was proud of. While working in a circus does enrich one in terms of acrobatic ability, acting like a clown did nothing for his elegance, unlike the bad-tempered swordsman.

Speaking of, correction thinking of, his surroundings reminded him of the places Kanda liked to hang out. On the quiet roof, in the forest, in the empty meditation room, at the training area. Under a certain bridge at a peaceful spot by the cool river to meditate. "Seems like he might show up here, huh?" Lavi took the words right out of his mouth as the two landed beside him.

Allen had to agree with the idea of waiting. However, waiting around for the unlikely chance that his frie-ahem, the idiot, shows up here might take eternity and beyond. He sighed at the thought.

"How about we try searching around here first? There's still no guarantee he's in this city so we'll give it a month and if we pick up a lead, we can stay longer" Lavi supplied, systematically planning out the rest of the trip.

"Okay. I'll go find a place for us to stay and get Nii-san to handle the arrangements before he pops a blood vessel from his fretting" Lenalee activated her dark boots and jumped off into the distance, startling a few civilians. The redhead and whitehead looked at each other for a moment before nodding imperceptibly, silently agreeing to split up and search as they did in Tokyo.

"Sorry but have you seen this guy around here?" Lavi tried keeping the lilt in his tone despite the fatigue that strained his patience. Asking as many of the working adults on their way home from work wasn't working. However, the teens seemed a little too caught up in their activities for him to interrupt. As an exorcist and bookman junior, school and exams and cliques and co-curricular activities were nothing but mere definitions with descriptions attached.

The Usagi wondered if that was what Yuu had left them for. A normal life. If so, he wouldn't blame his best friend as much but still, Lavi wanted to at least part ways properly. After all that was said and done, to just leave their years together behind was slightly overboard. And Yuu had hell to pay once they found him.

"You've seen him? Really?" Allen grinned at the group of teens eagerly nodding. Despite Allen's odd appearance, curiosity at the thought of the mysterious guy/girl lurking around the city won out. "Tinted blue hair right? He often goes to that shop over there, sometimes with a middle school girl. I didn't see any sword attached to his waist though, but then again if he was carrying one the gangs would have got to him before the police did", a girl with dyed brown hair answered for the group. One of the guys wearing glasses cut in. "Nah, they would have just tried to flirt with her- sorry him". A few other guys nodded furiously while some rolled their eyes.

From this, Allen derived that there was much contemplation on the supposed BaKanda's gender among the group, something he would absolutely _love _to tell Kanda if they found him. When they found him. The chance was slim but now at least it was there. His happy thoughts, which included rope and a gag, were interrupted by one of the girls in the back offering her mobile phone.

Unfamiliar with the device as he was, Allen tried his best not to click anything that looked important. But the image showed on screen almost made him drop the delicate device anyway. "Miyako-san, you got a pic?! Send it over!" another girl pounced while her friends held her back long enough for Allen to properly inspect the image.

It was a candid shot and the camera did not have time to focus on the surroundings but it caught Kanda's silhouette perfectly well. His fringe grew out in a slightly wild manner while the ponytail was unlike its usual up-do, instead braided down to his shoulder before the rest was slung over his shoulder. An odd looking black silk cloth – scarf? – was attached to his belt where Mugen should have been. Definitely not a doppelgänger though. Decked out in normal clothes, it made him more normal but no less elegant. The poise, arrogance was all there, with a hint of an emotion Allen could not associate with Kanda. It was conclusively undeniably, indefinitely, unmistakably Kanda.

The sight temporarily left Allen speechless while his audience waited patiently for the shock to wear off before wishing the white-haired stranger good luck. The elation that positively glowed on Allen's face lasted all the way back after he thanked the crowd, headed to the aforementioned store to explore (half-disappointed though he expected the swordsman wouldn't be there in the middle of this dinner rush), ordered a soba from the same store, and ran back to the designated meeting place under the bridge. At which point the excitement wore off and in came the contemplation. Consisting of crown clown and bruised wrists.

"Sorry Allen, no luck" Lavi was about to apologize further as was tradition after a day of no results but the look on Allen's face made him pause. Long enough for Allen to say, calmer than he should have been able to, "We found him".

Kanda held down a sneeze by sheer willpower as he watched Shana hand out the plates to her friends seated around the table. Carmen-san aided in the preparation while a few others sat at the table, all of which were civilians apart from himself. He found that their presence here oddly fitted more than his did. The scene brought back unwanted memories of that final night. Kishi promptly squelched the conversation running through his head. _You're really an idiot who can't even remember a name, he said. Though I was damn well prepared for this, it still feels like crap._

Shana looked at him worriedly for the dozen time that day. The mood was too glum, muted, and bleak. Looking up, Kishi met the girl's gaze and glared determinedly back in spite of the nostalgia clouding his senses. He would move on. He had to. There were more important things than his stupid feelings. There was a war to attend to.

_They have experienced enough war without me adding to it _- Kishi

**A/N:** Hope you liked it ^-^ I made Lenalee quiet because, well, her role in the anime is to cry and scold her brother and introduce things for the most part, so… yeah. And as expected, obviously Kanda would be easy enough to find! He stands out too much. Want fangirls and boys after him next?


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: Another update. Once again, thanks for reading! After this comes the fun part, cause I can't be bothered with making the trio search relentlessly for Kishi. This chapter was henceforth easier to write. Forgive the typos please.**

**Chapter 6: Not Kanda**

**Misaki City **

Walking through the streets, Kishi strode purposefully towards his favored lunch stop. For the past week or so, Shana had insisted on eating at 'home' for any chance to interrogate him on the cause of his, shall we say lack of emotion. And of course, Sir Knight had sat quietly and kept his mouth shut. Finally, she spared him from one day of it.

And now, after another day of slaughtering and not getting slaughtered by Rinne, as well as training with Shana in regards to her manifestation of solid fire, he was still more than strong enough to forgo thoughts of the people he left behind. Of the people who forgotten him. Their imaginary selves stop plaguing him after the conviction a week ago.

He gave a miniscule smile at the thought of going back to normality, whatever normal was supposed to be. And hopefully it'd get better from here on out. Without them.

Seated at the same seat yesterday and before that and even before that – behind the right wall of the doorway and hidden from sight – Lavi, Lenalee sat watching the customers come and go while Allen kept eating enough for them to stay seated there without being glared at for the whole noon till evening.

The previous days they spent there yielded no sign of the Japanese man - beg pardon, the certain bad-tempered and girly looking Japanese man. There were however, several others of both genders who were obviously here looking for the same target as well. Giggling girls whispered while sharing pictures alike the ones Allen saw two days ago. He knew this when he peeked over their shoulder like the gentlemen he should have been. NOT. Lavi and Lenalee sweat dropped at the sight. It really was true that when Kanda was involved, politeness went *poof* into thin air.

Thanks to the pictures though, the week spent waiting for Kanda to show up did not diminish their hope that the guy would return to the shop eventually. This was a lookout spot specifically for Kanda every afternoon after all. The fan club made it obvious -where Kanda sat when he came in, thanks to that permanently empty table in the corner. Where Allen and gang were seated was perfectly placed to watch and not be watched by the violent idiot.

"He sure is popular, huh? Even though he should have threatened at least a hundred people by now" Lenalee giggled. She wasn't sure if she should be amused or jealous. Especially because of him being the only one left with long hair in their group.

Lavi added "But ya know Allen, I should have figured out that asking the unusually gossip-obsessive teens would have worked better considering the way Yuu stands out" he huffed in mock self-annoyance. The current mood was too high and optimistic to ruin after all. And stand out he did.

The second Kanda walked in, half the room swiveled their gazes over to the door behind Allen, whom tried his best to rotate his head 180 degrees from where he was hidden. The first thing that stood out wasn't the scent of steel and lotus flowers, neither was it the appearance of his changed hairstyle and clothes. To Allen, Lenalee, and Lavi, the first thing that stood out was the lack of a sword, Mugen, attached to his side.

Everyone knew Kanda never went anywhere with Mugen. The sight of the black scarf in its place made them doubt for a moment about this person's identity. Additionally, while Kanda was more arrogant and defiant, the person in front of them was determinedly empty. With that look it his eyes. Every other feature of the person still resembled Kanda though.

Taking in his visage, Allen observed that Kanda had lost the sharp angles. Gone was the virtually permanent scowl on his face and in its place, a softer appearance. The sharp lines thinned out and the hint of fat was visible, giving an appearance of –dare he say it- a _girl_. But physically he was obviously still as well-built as possible, if the lean muscle on his arms were anything to go by.

Allen's gaze wandered down the rest of the swordsman. Kanda's midnight hair was tied up in loose braid which was slung over his shoulder. His back was ramrod straight and the first stride he took was graceful to a point of impossibility. On his figure was a plain navy blue tank and a thin cardigan of midnight black. Jeans and boots completed the ensemble of what could have been a model's outfit put together for a fashion display.

The sound of sighs echoing through the room stopped Allen's staring. Lavi whispered "Let him start eating before we approach him. He'll hopefully be less likely to start a fight with his precious soba in front of him. And Kanda ordered soba just as expected. Paying no heed to the gossiping crowd, he sat with his back to the crowd at his usual table and started his meal.

A nod from Lavi signaled the start of their approach. Thankfully, all three were good at stealth walking. Enough for the fangirls and boys to not notice their engaging of the target. When Kanda sensed them at his back, he swiveled in his seat and was up on his feet in a heartbeat. By then though, it was already too late to run. Allen grinned and fingered the rope he held in his deep pockets.

A moment of silence followed the three teens surrounding their suspecting victim. The look of shock was evident in Kanda's expression as he took in their faces. _Really, did he have to be so surprised? _Allen grinned evilly.

"Don't look so shocked, Yuu! You didn't think we would've left ya alone after ya tried to ditch us did you?" the Usagi broke the moment. Instead of replying like Kanda would have, saying something along the lines of "Don't call me that, baka Usagi" accompanied by death, he just looked at them. And then a, "I'm sorry but I think you've got the wrong person" came out of his mouth.

The words "I'm sorry" stunned Kanda's assaulters long enough for him to back off into the corner but not enough for him to slip away. Which was why when Kanda attempted the latter, he was grabbed and restrained by the boy with a tattoo down one of his arms. For a moment, his eyes flashed a dangerous blue which was squelched immediately but not fast enough to go unnoticed by his assaulters. However, the oddity was disregarded for the moment when his words sank in.

Allen, upon hearing the sentence felt his pent-up frustration at his missing friend rising. How dare BaKanda even pretend to forget his comrades. Sure, the idiot did not remember their names, apart from Lenalee's, half the time. And yeah, for a short period everyone forgot Kanda as well. But it didn't matter. They finally found him after how long and this was what they got. Allen didn't think after that. Just acted. Which was how he ended up grabbing the supposedly-Kanda's wrist in a vice grip. "Kanda! You're coming with us, idiot".

That was a bad move. The second his marked hand made contact with Kanda's sleeve-clad wrist, the aforementioned half of the room stood up menacingly. _Oops._ Lenalee and Lavi winced at the situation their forgetful friend caused. Hopefully, they would not have to fight the obsessive people out of this place.

The abrupt sound of the shop's door swinging open with a bang diffused the ticking time bomb immediately. A small Japanese girl rushed in and grabbed Kanda's other wrist by the sleeve, disregarding his acquaintances momentarily. The next sight almost brought the trio's jaws to the floor as Kanda bowed respectfully at the child without a word of complaint at the physical contact, unlike his other wrist which was doing its best to pull itself out of Allen's grip. Well, technically there was no word of complaint but you get the picture.

"Kishi, we have to go" the girl supplied. Then, just noticing his wrist was bound, her gaze followed the hand to an arm and up to the face of a guy with a pentacle scar. "Do you know him?" the girl asked. The word "No" that slipped out angered Allen further and his grip tightened. The passing look of pain as Kanda winced at the feeling was unexpected.

Allen noticed it. It was like someone punched Allen in the stomach and he immediately released his grip. With the restraint gone, there was nothing stopping Kanda from leaving now. "We're going", the girl pulled and obediently, Kanda followed.

While the two boys oddly stared as their friend was led away, Lenalee tried to stop the girl but the look on the fan girls faces stopped her in her tracks. She cursed. With a glance back, Kanda stated tonelessly "I'm not Kanda" and exited the store.

The second the rest of the fans left after their target was gone, Lenalee turned on the two guys. "What were you two just standing there for?"

Allen looked at his Innocence hand in what could only be described as self-loathing. Meanwhile, Lavi stared into space for another minute before commenting "His name's Kishi, huh?"

_They forgotten me… Haven't they? _- Kishi

**A/N:** Hope you liked it ^-^ Sorry if the characters are OOC. I'm not used to writing with a focus on so many characters at once. One thing I want to share is the layout of the store for Allen to successfully hide long enough for Kishi not to spot them.

| entrance |where Allen|

| |is seated |

kitchen| - -

| rest of the seats over here.

Cashier

|Kanda's seat


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Do not own D gray man, yada yada yada. **

**Once again, thank you for reading! Firstly, I'd like to apologize for the nonsensical map last chapter – I only realized after I saw the actual post. Secondly, I just realized the language barrier was still in place. Let's just say there isn't really one kay? After all, it wasn't in the anime. Thirdly, when I say Kanda is wearing a braid, I mean that look he has in the doujinshi Family Walker. **

**Lastly, Verena V and Kenzie Perth, thanks for following this story too ^-^**

**Chapter 7: Identity For Thought**

**Misaki City**

As much as Kishi hated to admit it, that almost gave him a heart attack. Hell, maybe it did give him one. He wouldn't know, with the Lotus Hourglass healing him as fast as it did. It was quite like getting hit by lightning. The second they showed up, he felt warm and tingly all over while his heart beat faster a hummingbird's wings. Seeing his friends, whom he swore to forgot and whom he was so sure had forgotten him in turn, come up to him and calling his name. Not his name. Kanda Yuu's name. Not-

"Kishi!" his mistress and Mugen called simultaneously, dragging a reluctant shell of him out from the shock. He bowed his head in apology at the lack of concentration during this moment. "Focus!" Shana spoke like the Flame Haze she was supposed to be. Objective, without hesitation like he was supposed to be. _Supposed to._ Currently, they were having another one their practice sessions for Shana to shape her flames into a solid shape.

The color of sunset that spanned the entire town made for an extremely ominous stage. Kishi stood his ground against Shana at the back of the house. Margery Daw gave tips after Shana set up her usual Fūzetsu, covering the surrounding area.

Readying her stance, Shana shifted into her Flame Haze appearance, embers of orange streaming from her red hair. Her irises turned from black to a startling red as she pulled out Nietono no Shana. Glancing to Kishi with her burning gaze, he nodded and shifted as well. His braided hair reflected a subtle shade of navy blue. The faint scent of lotuses flooded the air as his eyes shined the color of a cloudy night sky, the same glow encapsulating his figure. Pulling out Mugen from his Scabbard, Kishi poised himself to await Shana's attack.

The silent signal was given and in the next moment, a fist of flame formed in extension to Shana's arm. Kanda steadied his right arm, holding the katana with its tip pointed up, sharpened edge gleaming faintly. His part was always the same in this – either attempt to block and dodge the manifestation. This time it went with the former. As the new skill came crashing down, he brought Mugen's narrow blade up.

The initial block was easily done as usual, one-handed. "Don't get complacent, Kishi!" Shana grinned, focusing more power of existence to shove a little harder. He had to grunt with effort now, left arm coming up to take some of the pressure off his right. Kishi shoved back, not giving a single inch. This only made Shana smirk harder.

"Ne, Kishi. Do you know those people, at the restaurant? Especially that white-haired guy?" an voice unexpectedly questioned, ruining his concentration. Next thing he knew, Kishi's grip slipped and he was sprawled on the ground with his rear aching. "That was unfair, Shana" he winced, frowning in a slight childish pout at his ex-caretaker.

She sighed, amusement lacing her expression. "Take a break, Kishi. Come back when you pull yourself together, okay? And maybe talk it out with your friends earlier, while you're at it". Shana entered the living room with the other two right behind her, undoing the Fūzetsu.

And at the very moment when Kishi gripped the cold metal pane of the sliding door, self-deprecatingly registering his temporary dismissal, he failed to notice an eye following his slightly hunched figure.

Dashing out without a word to his friends, Lavi surreptitiously tailed "Kishi", dodging several times into the thick mobs between them to avoid detection. Eventually he had come upon a house as Kanda and the child entered the backyard. Another lady waited there with a book slung over her shoulder, herding them to make haste as the book cheerfully exclaimed something about alcohol.

"It talks?" As he blinked his uncovered eye in confusion at the absurdity of a talking book, they disappeared on the spot and appeared in the doorway of the side entrance. But not before the ex-bookman to be heard the words "_Fūzetsu_".

"Honestly, what on earth were you two thinking, letting him run off like that? Now Kanda might run off again", Lenalee gasped in exasperation at the duality of Allen's actions. "Weren't you two determined to keep him here until we talked it out instead?"

Sadly her question offered no response, as Allen continued staring at his hand. The patrons stopped glaring and finished up their food and left. Lenalee sat fuming at her spot as she finished up their leftover food which Allen refused to touch. And Allen just continued to stare, a million possibilities racing through his mind. As if his hand was the most puzzling thing that ever existed. It was, in a way, but that wasn't what he was getting at.

"Do you think that that's Kanda after all?" he whispered. Finally, _finally, _he turned to her and acknowledged her question. "I think we might have gotten the wrong person. I mean, Kanda is BaKanda, you know? He's supposed to threaten Lavi for calling him Yuu. And when I call him an idiot, doesn't he usually call me baka-Moyashi? And, and, when I grabbed his wrist, shouldn't he have not reacted like that? I mean I haven't seen him wince from something so small before." Allen's rants were starting to get out of hand. A lot of theories popped up and while the guy, Kishi's, appearance was extremely alike Kanda's, his mannerisms were a little too off, different, _reserved_, to be the infuriating and condescending swordsman they all knew.

"So he just changed a little, get over it Allen! Kanda is just Kanda, insulting or not" Lenalee got tired of trying to figure out the facts after incorporating the little girl into the picture. Then added "and maybe he has some commanding daughter that he'll follow the instructions of, unlike his usual uncooperative manner. And left Mugen somewhere while he was at it…"

**Back at the hotel**

"Flame Haze, huh?" Lavi muttered under his breath.

"What was that, Lavi?" Allen chimed in, eager for the tactician to figure out this chaotic nonsensical situation.

"Oh", the redhead glanced up from his brainstorming to find the other two waiting expectantly. "Well, I can't confirm this yet but I think… Yuu might be involved with Flame Haze", he scratched his head in thought, wondering how to explain the little vague information acquired through history. "Erm, to make it short, they're a bit like exorcists but fight a different enemy."

"A different enemy, like?" Lenalee prompted, leaning her elbows on her knees, peering at Lavi in anticipation. Allen also sat up from his laid back position on the bed to listen.

"Well… we don't have much information on them yet. They rarely explain themselves to humans like us so what little 'facts' we have are the bits they were willing to share. Moreover, there is another disadvantage. We, non-Flame Hazes can't even sense their activities, much less understand what they are fighting. Only that they say Fūzetsu and next thing you know, poof. We haven't figured out if they can teleport or jump time or whatever it is they do." Lavi clutched his hands together and tried to make sense of the situation. "Anyway for now, I'll go back and investigate on it. There's gotta be a record somewhere of it. Oh and one more thing. The girl called Kanda 'Kishi'."

"Does that mean she's his daughter after all?" Lenalee piped up.

"Or did Kanda turn into a pedo?" Allen commented jokingly, a laugh escaping at the thought. Though the Moyashi still couldn't make sense of how that Kishi guy could have been Kanda, if Lavi said it was, then it's pretty much a fact. Though the look of pain on Kanda's face as his wrist was gripped still shocked him – the invulnerable, invincible Kanda would never even flinch unless he received a killing wound. And even then, he'd still rarely displayed discomfort so blatantly, especially from a handhold that was only going to not even bruise the bad-tempered swordsman. _Unless the BaKanda's ridiculously fast healing was messed up or something. _But Lavi confirmed that Kanda's healing ability was still active, right? Allen shook his head to dispel his wayward thoughts before they brought on another headache.

"Yuu, a pedo? I think it might be possible, Allen!" Lavi laughed along at the absurd possibility but sobered up. "Nah, don't think so. It's more likely that the girl was his charge, duty, or something like that. See, Kishi means knight. So she's like his… princess?!"

Allen and Lenalee jumped out of their seated position and leapt toward Lavi with unbelieving looks, echoing "Princess?"

Lavi quickly corrected himself. "I said '_like_', didn't I? Besides, the current crown princess of Japan is older than us and any others are of different age than the girl we saw." Allen didn't understand where this was going, but cut in "Instead of calling her the girl, can we just give her an alias? It's a bit confusing to keep calling her 'girl' (kanojo). How about just refer to her as Hime (princess) while we're at it?"

"It somehow suits," Lenalee nodded as the authoritarian girl earlier came to mind.

"Okay, Hime it is then. Well, she seems to be the person to talk to concerning Kanda so can you two go ask her on that? Here's the address" continued Lavi, waving a scribbled note. Lenalee argued against it. "I should go back with you Lavi. Komui would likely go after Allen otherwise, if I stayed here with him" she supplied, wincing at the likelihood of such an occurrence. "And Lavi said there wasn't much information right? I can help look."

"I'll go ask Hime then. Maybe she'd explain what's with BaKanda." Allen yawned and dropped himself back on the bed with a flop. After the eventful day, he proceeded to dreamland without a moment's delay. And in his dreams, the sight of Kanda's pained expression didn't stop haunting him.

_I won't die. I cannot die. – Kanda Yuu_

_Could not - Kishi_

**A/N:** Hope you liked it ^-^ Sorry for not updating fast, was having school deadlines period. See ya next time!


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Do not own D gray man nor Shakugan no Shana!

The time frame of this story is getting messed up so please forgive me if there is any confusion.

P.S. Dear Kenzie Perth, thank you for your review ^-^ I am eternally grateful!

**Chapter 8: The Only Exception**

**Misaki City **

"Kishi" Mugen said quietly, the low tone heard above the noise of the crowd. The contracted Crimson Lord need not have said more to get his point across. The other party of the contract, Gōka no Kaze, Kishi, halted in response. Currently, two of them stood – well, actually only one of them since Mugen was attached to Kishi's waist (under his coat) having not been returned into Scabbard yet – in a corner of the mall. Around them, humans flooded the halls in a rush to shop for Christmas presents.

Kishi had not foreseen that he would be doing what the other idiots around him were doing. _People, not idiots_, he corrected himself mentally. Back to the point at hand, Kishi had been standing in front of an accessory store browsing for the last half hour. What he was looking for however, he did not know. Thus when Mugen called him out of wallowing between self despair and utter confusion as well as pure contemplation, he knew he'd spent too long doing it.

Without giving much further thought to his nonsensical actions, he grabbed two items in front of him, both of which had matching designs but different colors. Suppressing his practical desire screaming at him to forget it, he headed to the cashier. As the cold wind of winter entered the warm mall, Kishi returned to his temporary residence, putting aside all thoughts of the incoming occasion.

x-X-x

"How many days has it been?" Allen asked himself, looking around the apparently ordinary neighborhood. Again. This is the address Lavi had given him – where Kanda was last seen. The place looked like any other house on the street – typical gray wall lining the perimeter as well as a yard surrounding the white house. The only difference was that this particular place had a slightly empty feeling to it. As if whoever stayed there didn't stay for long periods of time, or like they had just moved in. The cold air of December was not exactly comforting as well, especially to Allen who was dressed lightly in a white long sleeved collared shirt, black slacks, a grey cardigan, and heavy duty boots.

Unwilling to be discouraged by the likelihood of the same result as the previous days, the white-haired teen entered the gate and rang the doorbell. A moment passed, then another. And another. Three minutes later, the conclusion of no one being present at home was FINALLY reached. The annoying reality of the situation henceforth left Allen very obviously annoyed. Pissed. As well as blatantly shivering due to the sudden lack of warmth.

Glancing up into the sky of midafternoon, the clouds covering the ray of bright sun were just a little too thick. _Oh yeah, it's winter after all_. The realization saddened him and infuriated him at the same time. Kicking the closest lamppost lightly, he thought about how all four of them should have been at the Black Order at this time, putting up decorations for the coming Christmas. Lavi would likely have been fretting over his admitted crush on Lenalee and bugging everyone else about presents and whatnot. Lena would likely have been serving coffee to her brother who most inarguably had not finished his work yet. She might also have taken charge of planning for the winter holiday and be setting up decorations, conveniently using her Innocence instead of a ladder. He would be thinking about all the food available on that day and making a list of foods to request from Jerry. And Kanda would be scoffing at Lavi and Allen every step of the way, making fun of their antics.

_Kanda, the idiot._ But considering the fact that Kanda wasn't here, Allen's mood deflated further. Not here as in at the Black Order but here as in the currently empty house. He sighed once and turned to leave, deciding he could try again later at night or tomorrow.

"The guy over there. Do you have some business here?" a teasing voice called out. Failing to sense the presence behind him, he turned around with surprise on his face as his eyes met those of a blonde woman with purple irises. A pretty lady. Whom was looking at him weirdly in expectation.

"Oh. Pardon me." A polite smile took residence over his face. "I'm looking for Kanda." Allen answered. "Do you know him?"

"Kanda huh? Nope never heard." She shrugged her shoulders, smirking. Her purple eyes glinted in curiosity.

"A black-haired Japanese boy with a bad-temper and long hair. Who might be carrying a sword around on his hip." Allen politely pressed for a desired reply, not noting the affectionate tone his voice carried. The lady took note of it silently as Allen pondered a more apt description to use. Whoever this woman was looked like she might know something, even more so with the look on her face. Her reply encouraged him. "Oh, you mean the brat (gaki). Kishi, if I remember correctly. He fits the description perfectly."

Hearing someone call Kanda a brat was a first for Allen but he had more important things to consider at the moment. "Yeah, Ka-err Kishi. My name is Allen Walker. Kishi is a comrade, and my friends and I are looking for him since he stopped contacting us a while back. Do you know where we can find him?" Allen took a few steps closer to the lady, hoping that he did not appear overeager for information. The smile never strayed from his face.

A look of recognition passed the lady's face. "Oh so _you're _th_e _white-haired friend the chibi was talking about." _Chibi? Does she mean the child we saw with Kanda? _Allen raised an eyebrow at this. She continued "Alright. If you can make that brat could wear a more interesting expression_,_ why not?" A bookmark was then pulled out of a book she slung over her shoulder and held up to Allen's face. "Use this to find him." The bookmark appeared to tug lightly in the direction of the main street and Allen blinked in confusion, wondering if he was imaging it. The chivalrous smile left his face. She grinned, seemingly at the change in his expression.

"A tip though. That brat really doesn't understand anything unless you explain it to him properly so be a little more straightforward." Pressing the tracking treasure tool into Allen's instinctively outstretched hand, she swiveled on her high heels and walked off. A second passed before the tool started dragging Allen lightly off in the opposite direction. "Thank you miss!"

The lady grinned to herself at the relationship problem of teens and looked forward to the change in Shana's charge next time they met. Anything was better than that boring expression on the brat's face after all. "Just because the brat needs his friends huh, my kind mistress Margery Daw." Marchosias hollered. Margery hit the book in response. "Shut up, Stupid Marcho".

x-X-x

Allen jogged down the streets, turning several corners as the weird bookmark tugged him along, before he realized he had no idea where he was even going in the first place. True, he'd seen odder things than a bookmark with clairvoyance and he had expected it somewhat considering the mysterious way Kanda's existence had disappeared and reappeared into their lives just like that. The puzzling matter of 'what the hell is happening' still ran through his head on repeat though. Turning another corner, Allen was pulled towards a two storey building which looked more like it should've been torn down a few years ago. The paint was chipping and the metal stairs were rusted at its bolts.

He realized the bookmark in his hand finally went limp and took in the place it led him to. The more Allen stared, the more he thought he had been pranked by the lady. There was no sight of Kanda anywhere after all… That was, until the light sound of a sword whispered from upstairs. Following his whim and avoiding the stairs, he leapt up to the second floor, landing soundlessly on the concrete. The same sound, albeit louder, echoed from within the last room on the right. Glancing at the door, he took in the name on the side of the door which stated two kanji words he was unable to recognize. The doorbell under that looked like it'd been shattered years ago.

Figuring that he had no other current leads at the moment and had nothing to lose, Allen rapped lightly on the worn out door twice. The telltale sounds of a sword halted abruptly in response, as someone silently made their way to the door.

x-X-x

Sitting with his back propped up against the worn wall, Kishi finally gave in and asked his contracted Crimson Lord in hand. "Not that I care. But… is there any way they could have remembered?" he swung the katana downwards lightly, cutting wind. "Aren't you actually glad they did?" Mugen countered, evading the question. "Not really."

Denial was something he had never dealt well with.

Kishi had told himself this just as Kanda had tried to do the same. 'Don't act on your emotions.' Yet here he sat wasting a large portion of his days away. Another heavy silence filled the room with only the occasional sound of the sword chipping away at it. Once again, any attempt at meditation was quickly dashed by the questions that plagued Kishi's mind.

It doesn't matter how they managed to recall Kanda's existence. But it would have been a hell lot better if they never remembered him either way. _Don't say hell_, he corrected mentally. Kishi had a purpose as a Flame Haze and he had procrastinated in Kanda's shoes long enough. Fighting as an exorcist was worth it but never his original purpose. The way he had clung to Kanda Yuu's existence was a selfish desire and he had done it. Now to grow up and move on and fight the war he was supposed to.

He stood up with a subtle stomp in frustration at his complicated feelings. Before he could go on another rampage with weapon in hand, swinging over and over and over again at invisible enemies, he halted. With self-induced discipline, Kishi sighed as his Crimson Lord waited patiently for his contractor to regain his bearings.

Another short bout of silence passed before he muttered to himself, "I guess I have no choice but to just ignore them until they give up." Just as the decision was made, Kishi felt the weight on his shoulders lighten a little, and swung Mugen in an arch, relishing the bit of calm before the storm.

The sound of knuckles against his door. Without missing a beat, he slipped Mugen inside his scarf treasure tool and proceeded to the entrance to rid the salesperson at his door. Honestly, what did one have to do to get a little bit of peace? His answer as the door opened, was _a heck lot_.

A victorious Moyashi stood outside the entrance and had immediately wedged his Innocence between the door and its doorway, prying the metal piece further away from him. Kishi tugged back in response, trying and utterly failing at trying to slam the door shut. "Hello, BaKanda." The Moyashi smirked.

The sound of that infuriating nickname almost managed to get a rise out of Kishi. He tamped down the urge to yell back 'baka-Moyashi' and reigned in the recognition that might have been blatantly displayed, choosing instead to blank his expression. Or what he could of it considering that he was pulling at the door with all his might. A tug from the beansprout was all it took for Kishi to lose his grip on the door. The metal slammed loudly into the outer wall of the apartment as Allen stood at the threshold, holding the door in place. Both of them stared at each other for a moment before the metallic sound stopped thrumming.

Carefully monotone, Kishi stated "Welcome. Do you have some business with me? I believe I already told you that you have the wrong person." The mannerism threw Allen for a loop for the second time since they had last met. The earlier smirk disappeared to be replaced by confusion, then determination. "Liar! That's total bullshit!" Allen claimed.

"Huh? Who are you to call me a -?" Kanda rebutted. Common sense showed up a little late. _Idiot, don't reply like that. Ignore him! You decided that, didn't you?_ And anyway the tug-of-war with the door kind of gave him away already. No matter…

Before Allen could hurl another insult to get a rise out of him, Kishi interrupted. "Do as you like, but leave me alone. I told you already, you've got the wrong person." The normal Kanda would have continued the argument. The unanticipated reaction distracted Allen long enough, causing his jaw to drop and his grip on the door to loosen. Enough for Kishi to close the door swiftly.

Only when Allen realized what had happened did he shout through the door "Fine BaKanda. I'll wait here until you admit you're lying! Idiot!"

x-X-x

**A week or so later –**

Allen was sick of staying outside in the cold. Kanda had paid no heed to him even as Allen sat outside the door every time Kanda was home. When Kanda went out, Allen took the chance to run off and purchase camping equipment, as well as large bags of food. Luckily there was a public bathhouse and washroom nearby. So when Kanda came back home, it was always to find Allen outside his door making conversation. "Hurry up and admit it you bastard!" or "Where's Mugen?" or "BaKanda, you're just an idiot after all huh?" or "I'll shave all your hair off and see if you can still ignore me!", trying to get a rise out of him, insulting him, or just talking nonsense. Allen liked to think that the man would eventually give in, given enough time. By hook or by crook, he'd find a way to get Kanda to admit that he had been lying through his teeth. Allen wasn't sure how long it would take though.

Looking up at the dark clouds, he sneezed once and tried to snuggle deeper into the warm confines of the sleeping back he'd bought. It was currently one in the morning and sleep was evading him. It was much too cold to do anything else but shiver.

Feeling moisture on his hair, Allen gave up sleeping and drowsily sat up to find that snow was falling. The view was awesome but brought along a sense of wistfulness. The four of them should have been back at the Black Order in the warm cafeteria enjoying the view of the winter season. Allen consoled himself with the fact there was the year after that. _Maybe_, he thought as he sneezed once more.

The sound of the door opening made Allen glance up. At Kanda who was peering out the small opening, holding the door in a position to quickly slam it shut. "Yes Kanda?" Allen raised an eyebrow, sniffing.

"I told you already, it's Kishi. Don't freeze to death outside my door please". Something was hurled at Allen's head and without another word, the door was closed once again. From downstairs, the sound of several shouts caught Allen's attention – "Merry Christmas!"

Oh yeah, he had lost track of the date. It was already December 25th… What a horrible way to spend a birthday. Grabbing the thick cloth draped on his head, Allen found himself holding a white pleated scarf. The scent of cold steel and lotuses covered the cloth. Looking at it, a small smile tug at his lips. Then again, this still had to rank among the best of his birthdays.

Behind the closed door, Kishi rested his back against the cold metal and slid to the floor, telling himself again that he did not want any of his comrades from the Black Order involved. He should ignore them. Should. But being woken up in the middle of the night due to Allen's sneezing didn't allow for logical thought to process before he'd gotten out of bed, grabbed the cloth from his bedside, and thrown his gift out the door at his unwelcome guest. Just this once. He wouldn't do it again. He'd go back to ignoring Allen with no problem. Today was an exception, is all.

_Happy Birthday, Moyashi – Kishi_

**A/N:** After browsing the other stories being uploaded during the Christmas season, and considering that Allen's birthday, I decided to incorporate both occasions into this chapter! Oh and just to take note, Allen spent several days going to Shana's place to search for Kanda but no one was home (Kishi was sent off for a break and Shana is out training with Wilhelmina by the river).

Hope you liked it ^-^Merry Christmas!


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: **I don't own D gray man nor Shakugan no Shana!

I decided to just stick time frame as close to upload date as possible. This chapter, rated T for Kanda's mouth ^-^ Thanks for reading.

**Chapter 9: Here On Out**

**Misaki City **

In spite of everything Kishi wanted and worked for, Allen Walker just had to absolutely, persistently, annoyingly refuse to leave himthe hell alone_. Don't say hell,_ he self-admonished. Mentally of course, otherwise he'd might as well be an insane man sent to the loony bin for speaking to air. But at the rate Walker was driving him crazy, Kishi might as well have made a booking at the furthest mental institute. Far, far, _far_ away from Walker.

Another improvement to note. Not calling Allen Moyashi, even in his mind. He would rather not risk the familiar term slipping out of his lips accidently. So now, Allen Walker went by his surname - Walker. But even with the distance he was trying to put between him and Walker, after Christmas night, something went haywire. His initial plan of ignoring just stopped working.

Walker was pushing a little further, trying to find whatever leeway he could to make conversation, eat meals together, and stalking Kishi everywhere he fucking went, except into his own home. And the washroom. _Don't say fuck, Kishi. Or think it, even. _However, with Moya-Walker on his tail whenever he had to go out, precaution and prudency was necessary in concern to the tiny details to **not** give himself away.

With Lavi being part of the bring-Kanda-back gang though, Kishi suspected that he was found out long ago either way. Not the Flame Haze part but the bad acting part. Kanda Yuu really had died but him, lookalike Kishi, was still walking among the living. Well, with Walker calling him Kanda, at every turn it might as well have been obvious that his suspicions were confirmed. Though no way was he going to recognize what a failure he was, as a Flame Haze for Christ's sake, at pretending to be someone else. The irony of it. And either way, he'd just have to keep ignoring them and losing them. Unfortunately for him, even when Lenalee and Lavi were away, he simply could not get Walker off his trail.

The two attempts to run off by renting other apartments went something like this. "Kanda, where are you going now?" "It's Kishi" And he walks out empty-handed not arousing any suspicion (Luggage stored in Scabbard treasure tool). Three days of normalcy ensued. Then Walker showed up at his door exclaiming "Nice try, BaKanda. You're really a baka, huh?" The second time was around the same with the only difference being "You're really a aho, huh?" even after Kanda bothered to take up the existence of a dwindling Torch and played his part as a civilian for a four days after which he was found. His existence, Kishi's existence or lack thereof, was supposed to be temporarily overwritten for the Torch's existence. Yet Walker managed to still identify him as Kanda. (*cough* Bookmark *cough*)

The two incidents told Kishi one thing. Whether or not he liked it, Walker had found a way to track him. Any other ideas of losing the exorcist was then discarded and burned in a furnace, after which ashes were left to float in the wind untouched. With the ashes went his hope of ditching the determined annoyance. After the most recent move to the new apartment, Walker had somehow also managed to rent the empty apartment beside his, taking up residence there only to tail him every time he went out.

He signed in desperation at the ridiculous situation. He should be untraceable, being a Flame Haze and all, and yet… Sliding the metal door silently open once again, the picture of perfect calm, Kishi peeked out to find that just one second after he got his door closed, Walker's opened. "Kanda! Going to your part-time job again?" came Walker's cheerful tone with a hint of smugness under it. The same short reply "It's Kishi, Walker" did not even deter the other. "Can I come?" a blatantly rhetorical question followed.

Yes, Kishi was working part-time jobs. Since he was taken off-duty while most of the Rinne stopped their feeding since their masters were at Seireiden, he was… bored. Utterly so. And while Walker had the Black Order funding his mission, Kishi'd rather not take the charity of the Flame Haze Army of whom he had cut ties with after adopting Kanda Yuu's existence and absolutely refusing to leave it for Flame Haze duties. Hence, he was stuck working at a flower shop, of all places, simply because he didn't smile enough to take waiter roles nor promoting. Being any sword instructor such as Kendo was out since it would definitely be an acknowledgement of being Kanda Yuu. Flowers though, he could handle. Just like gardening at the Black Order. He shook his head at the unwelcome reminder.

Anyhow enough people flocked to the shop he was working at to tip him plenty to survive on working such a simplistic job. Another advantage was that Walker spent his time elsewhere while waiting for him to finish work. Personal space was something he was never so thankful for. And while the whitehead was busy, he could run where he needed to and deal with whatever he needed to. This consisted mostly of the few stray Rinne that have appeared out of nowhere in Misaki City.

Just as that thought passed, an entity with a heck lot of Power of Existence popped up on his radar. _Don't say heck, Kishi._ "Kanda, what are you looking at?" rudely intruded his thoughts. He realized he had looked up in the general direction without good reason and briskly lowered his head.

Entering his workplace as Allen bid him a "See you later, Kanda" – "It's Kishi, Walker", he waited five minutes to find that the problem hasn't been removed yet. He considered that maybe the Flame Hazes were handling more important stuff right now and halted for another moment to compare his options before running off in the general direction of the Fūzetsu, after the likely Crimson Denizen.

x-X-x

Allen briefly felt the bookmark in his pocket tugging a little harder in the direction of Kanda's workplace and took no heed to it. Lunch comes first for now. Procuring his new mobile from his pocket, a text message lit up the screen.

"Still nothing besides what we already know, but we'll definitely find something! Don't lose him in the meantime, got it Allen? See you soon! Oh and Lenalee said to tell you sorry, we didn't get to celebrate your birthday."

Allen grinned at the thought of Christmas day and typed out a happy reply. He was determined to achieve progress and make Kanda give in. Just shove a little bit more, and the situation would improve little by little in time. The start of Kanda's lost had already been marked after all. He grinned and lightly clutched the white pleated scarf clung over his shoulders.

x-X-x

Arriving upon the scene, Kishi spotted a red marble being tossed leisurely into the air. Silently approaching the moving giveaway, he withdrew Mugen from his treasure tool, sword sliding smoothly out of the dimensional pocket. Without need for thought, he automatically shifted. Dark blue hair gleamed amongst the red haze of the area, and his irises sharpened into a blue somewhere between midnight and royal tones. The indescribable color glistened like light against his weapon, as he brought it up in a side stroke readied position.

For once his pulse race oddly, anticipating hos first unaided battle against a Crimson Denizen in years. An emotion made him shiver a little. What was it, nervousness? For a moment he wished Shana was here with him but shoved the thought aside. He could do it on his own. Just like all those times he had done it as Kanda Yuu. Cutting down enemies time after time. Tensing lightly, he sprang up to sever the hand from the wrist. His sword skills were second nature.

A desolate whisper threatened to fill his mind. _I'm not Kanda Yuu anymore_. Still, he swung Mugen into a graceful arc, completing the movement.

Only to get blocked by an invisible barrier.

"Oh. Look who's here. Another Flame Haze to add to the list." came the snide tone of the Denizen. "Of the dead that is."

**A/N:** School is starting so please give me more time to write new chapters, please and thank you.

Hope you liked it ^-^Happy New Year.


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